TG #11

I already knew what I was thankful for this week on Friday, but I didn’t want to write about it for fear I would jinx it. This week, I’m thankful that the HSF’s lasik eye surgery went well. Now I know this procedure is fairly routine these days, but when it’s your loved ones eyes under the scalpel, er laser, you still tend to worry. In fact I estimate that the HSF’s doctor alone had peeled about 28 grapes that day, before he ever saw the HSF. Peeled grapes. That’s how the Eye Doc’s assistant described the procedure to me. “It’s really just like peeling a grape.” Seriously. You’d think they would train these guys a little better in the lost art of bed side manner. I wanted to tell him, it’s not a grape, its an eye. Specifically, they are the eyes that are supposed to see me walk down the aisle in 4 months and I’d appreciate it if he didn’t have to get the play by play from his brother standing next to him. Not to mention, have you ever tried to peel a grape before? Sure its satisfying getting that one big piece off, but more often than not, you don’t get that piece. You get about 6 little strips that tear as they come back from the grape. See what I mean? I could have used a little less graphic, more reassuring analogy. But no, it’s a peeled grape that I got.
I watched the whole procedure from a little room next to the operating room. I was planning on just sitting there, reading my New Yorker. But then the Doctor’s assistant came in and offered to explain the procedure to me as it was going on through a convenient little viewing window. In retrospect I should have just politely declined, but for some inexplicable reason, I felt rude taking a pass. Like he was willing to take time out of his busy schedule of peeling grapes to explain it to a layman like me, so I should be grateful, right? What is that?! Anyway, I’ll spare you most of the gory details in case any of you are considering it. I must say it will probably take me a couple years before I can erase the images from my brain, and start considering it for myself. The HSF likened it to soaking your hand in jalapeno juice for a couple hours, then rubbing your eyes. But with the help of a Lunesta, he eventually went to sleep and woke up with 20/20 vision. Medicine has come a long way. Now lets get to work on those analogies.