Surface of the Sun Hot

I have decided being an adult sucks. I would like to return my membership card NOW. Who do I turn this thing in to? If you could direct me to the correct state or federal bureaucracy I would appreciate it. Or maybe I need to turn it back in to my parents. I’m not sure who, but at this point I’m desperate.

I adore my new house, but ownership has not come without some heartache. We’ve had a variety of things go wrong, but we keep reminding ourselves, the house is over 60 years old. We knew these things were going to happen, and planned for it. First it was the chimney. Then the light in my oven doesn’t work (and no it’s not the lightbulb). Then a leak from the A/C. Then the driveway seems to be disappearing before my eyes. And mysteriously, I seem to only be able to get hot water out of my kitchen faucet. Nothing has been overwhelmingly expensive. We have one of those home warranty thingees and to this point things have been more annoying, than major.

Then on Sunday we returned from coast. I walked into the house. Started going through the mail and suddenly said aloud to Ripken “is it just me or is it REALLY hot in here.” I heard the HSH pipe up from the back bedroom, “yeah, right?” Walk over to the thermostat. It’s set to 74, but the temperature inside the house is 95. 95 degrees. Like… inside my living room, not my garage.

If you woke up this morning wondering “how many trips from the warranty company’s A/C repair guy does it take before your house is cool again” the answer is 5. AND COUNTING. Their level of incompetence is astounding. I’m not just being mean because I haven’t been able to blow dry my hair in 4 days, or apply makeup without having it instantly melt off. I mean REALLY. I don’t want to bore you with the litany of examples but please take my word for it. Luckily the HSH is a genius and purchased a window unit on Sunday after the first ridiculous attempt by the a/c guy to fix our stuff. We have been camped out in the master bedroom since then, as it is the only room in the house that doesn’t require I hand out ice packs and extra deodorant upon entry. It’s a little like sleeping in a wind tunnel, but it beats “sleeping” in a 95 degree house.

The feeling of futility stems from the fact that I’m sure I could find a more competent A/C guy in about the time it takes me to break a sweat after entering my house (aprox. 1 nanosecond) but naturally if I do that, the warranty company won’t foot the bill. I might add, this is AFTER the warranty company came in and “fixed” the A/C because there was a leak in the drip pan and recommended a couple of other small repairs to prevent THE VERY SITUATION WE ARE IN RIGHT NOW (i.e. having to go without A/C in the dead of a Houston summer). So to recap: they replaced some part on my functioning air conditioning unit that “could go out on me at any time” and 1 week later, I’m mysteriously without the loving joys of central air. What the hell, people?! Now they’ve been to my house 4 times with either no part, or the wrong part, and of course every time promising that NEXT time it would all be fixed.

I miss the days where I knew nothing about air conditioning units and my biggest “home” related worry was whether or not my dorm fridge could hold enough beer for the weekend.

update: two seconds after I hit publish the HSH texted me to say the supervisor was at the house, and had fixed the problem. The other guy had the wires crossed. No really. Wires crossed. And you thought I was making the incompetent part up.