Rolllllllllllllllllllllll

My laziness has won over lately, and I haven’t written anything worthy of a bathroom wall lately, much less the blog. But after being, not so gently, prodded by KK and Mamma Vaughan here is a tasty little nugget, sure to make you chuckle:

I joined a bowling league.

Wow. There are 5 little words I never thought I’d say.

It all started earlier this summer when I went bowling with a group of friends for a birthday party. While there, someone henceforth known as Schaife, said something to the effect of “hey this is fun, why don’t we sign up to do it every Wednesday for 16 weeks!” And I, as I’m prone to do after several drinks, agreed wholeheartedly. (Side note: if you ever want someone to obligate themselves to do something utterly ridiculous just buy me a few drinks and I’m your huckleberry. Seriously, I was once convinced to walk 60 miles using this method.)

The action started last week, but I was already committed to some musical theater with AA (zing, zing, zing went my heartstrings….) so I missed the first week. Last night was my first night of “league play” and I was really intimidated. Don’t be fooled, the fact that I was invited to join this 4 person team had nothing to do with my skill and everything to do with my ‘what the hell else does she have to do on a Wednesday night’ factor. I might be a terror on the Wii bowling lanes, but I absolutely suck on the real ones. As if I wasn’t already worried about standing out in the league, my team rolled into the bowling alley in matching t-shirts. (See what I did there? Rolled…bowling alley... Seriously people, if I have to keep pointing these things out…) Complete with numbers and goofy nicknames on the back. I assumed everyone wore matching shirts. I was wrong. I knew this when I walked in and the gentlemen working behind the desk looked at me and my teammate and said “Well. That’s cute.” Its never good when you hear a man use the word “cute.”

Our league is a pretty interesting mix of people, and ages. Every team is made up of two guys and two girls, and the skill level was all over the place. You had people that were all about the accessories (I saw a clear ball with something unidentifiable suspended in it. I couldn’t tell what it was, but rest assured I will investigate and report back to you the next time I blog…which on my current schedule should be sometime in 2011). You had people that were all about the camaraderie (cheering for every strike and whatnot). And you certainly had your people that were all about the drinking. The team that we shared our lanes with fell in this last category. Play was frequently held up while they took shots or made a trip to the bar. This didn’t bother us, as we too like to partake in an adult beverage from time to time. Plus it made for some great comments as the night went on. Most notably, after seeing my name on the scoreboard one of my drunker opponents started singing “Signs, Signs everywhere there’s signs” when I bowled. Those that know my name, get it. Later on, I did some research and discovered it’s bad form to heckle while someone is “on approach” but apparently this guy didn’t get the memo. Of course I also learned it’s not kosher to change your shoes in the wood area of the lane, it should be done before you go down the steps. I didn’t get that particular memo. So apparently there is a whole circuit of memos that some of us are not copied on, including Miley Cyrus and a memo about stilettos. (Good luck getting that song out of your head.) Another one of my favorite etiquette rules? “Please don’t put more than two personal balls on the rack at a time.” I swear, sometimes I think I missed my calling as an 11 year old boy. I’m not alone in my immaturity though, because when we inquired about putting nicknames on the scoreboard we were told it was banned because it got out of control last year. Apparently bad puns and innuendo are nothing new in the bowling world.

So, I don’t know if you know this, but in league play you get a little warm up time. First ball I throw. Strike. Whhaaaaaaa? I know. I was shocked too. Of course, it was not at all indicative of the rest of my evening, but it was still pretty thrilling. Armed with that confidence I went on to bowl a 99, a 103 and a 113.

Hey, at least I’m trending in the right direction!