Gretchen's Bachelorette Party

Part One: “Not the tattoo, THE TICK”

To be honest, when Gretchen told me we’d be spending her bachelorette party canoeing, I was a bit hesitant. After all, Gretchen and her sisters are exceedingly athletic, and I’m well…not. When Gretchen told me to bring jeans because the cabin we’d be staying in was “rustic” and she feared I would “catch a tick” my hesitation turned into full-blown panic. TICKS?! You could not pick something I feared more without actually witnessing all my childhood nightmares. I won’t go into details, but I spent a miserable summer after an unfortunate run in with a lost tick head, an incompetent doctor, and no anesthetic. But I pushed this anxiety aside. After all this was Gretchen. And the party was supposed to be about her, not my semi-irrational fears.

I flew into OKC, rather uneventfully. Got to say hello to the entire Imel clan, and headed out to Tahlequah (our canoeing destination) in surprisingly efficient time. Accompanying us in the car were Missy (Imel sister #1) and Sarah (Gretchen’s soon to be sister in law). We had a great time on the drive down chitchatting, with a pleasant mixture of catching up and getting to know one another. Even a mysterious phone call from Laura (Imel sister #2) had no effect on our mood (obviously I wasn’t a part of the conversation, but here is how it went in my head):

Laura: where are you guys
Missy: just made the turn off
Laura: I’m standing by the road…hurry
Missy: what’s up?
Laura: never in my life will I be so happy to see you, as I will tonight
Missy: huh?
Laura: JUST HURRY!

There Laura was. Standing by the side of the road. Two flashlights. Pink cowboy hat. Vaguely panicked look on her face. It was such a strange site; we actually passed her assuming it was a mannequin. Did I mention she’s pregnant? It didn’t take long for us to get caught up to speed. Issue one: the key she had did not seem to work in the cabin locks. Issue two was described thusly:

That (pointing to a break in the trees to our left) is the road to the cabin. That (pointing to an identical break in the trees to our right) is the telephone pole ravine. That (again gesturing to the break on the right) is where my car is. Stuck. Badly.

Problem is, Laura had unpacked the car, and carried everything down to the cabin when she got her car stuck. It wasn’t until then that she realized the key to the cabin didn’t work in what you would call ‘the traditional sense of a key.’ That is to say: it didn’t open the door. We double-checked and Laura’s assessment of the situation was correct. We were screwed.

Yup. No dice.

It was then we made an executive decision. HELLLOOOOOO HOLIDAY INN! We reversed the direction of stuff to the cabin and all climbed into Gretchen’s car. We would leave Laura’s car for the morning when we could get a better idea of what we were dealing with. We checked into the Holiday Inn back in Tahlequah, and I was thinking I had really caught a break. That was until we started decorating the room for the bachelorette celebration. Gretchen was hiding in the bathroom, while the sisters Imel decorated the room, as they had intended to decorate the ‘rustic’ cabin. It was then that I felt it. There on the small of my back, a small ‘mole’ that had never been the before. I had the sinking sensation this wasn’t a mole after all. “Missy, what is this?” I ask. Ok, total lie. I think it went more like this: “OH MY GOSH WHAT IS THIS? OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOSHH!” To which Missy responded: “A tattoo?” Well, it turns out that just north of my tattoo was in fact a tick. After summoning Gretchen from the bathroom (“GRETTTTTCCHEEEEEENNNNNN HELPPPPPP MEEEEEEEEEE”), Gretchen and Dr. Laura teamed up to remove the offending parasite from my backside. I don’t care if Laura says they don’t teach that stuff in Medical School, I think she did a bang up job of getting rid of the little sucker. Oh and the 5 that had taken up residence on her own belly! We then proceeded to drink wine, open presents, gossip and have a great night. Yes we found a few more ticks, but we were having so much fun we hardly noticed! See the progress I made? I looked my fear of ticks straight in the eye, and said “you don’t scare me you little bloodsucking wretches.” Well, to be honest I had a slight relapse when finding one on my hand and flinging it across the room instead of calmly walking to the bathroom to kill it. Unfortunately this resulted in a sleepless night as Missy and I both had images of it finding us in the night and chowing down on us. But seriously, I think I made progress on my phobia. Seriously. And ticks or no ticks, I counted the first day as a total success on the fun front.

Stay tuned for Part Two: Why I’d Chose the Imel Girls To Be Stranded On A Desert Island With